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**REPOST**
I can admit it. I've looked at another man before and thought, Damn. I'd like to have what he has.
Sometimes it's something obvious. A successful career, a beautiful home, financial security, or the freedom to live without worrying quite so much about money. Other times it's something harder to define. The way a guy carries himself. His confidence. His relationships. The apparent ease with which he seems to move through life.
And, yes, sometimes it's physical. A man who looks great, seems completely comfortable in his own skin, and apparently hasn't spent a moment of his life worrying about the things the rest of us worry about.
Of course, I know better. At least intellectually. We rarely know what's actually going on in someone else's life. We see the parts that are visible, usually the attractive parts, and fill in the rest with our own assumptions.
But knowing that doesn't necessarily stop the comparison.
I think men are particularly good at this, even if we're not especially comfortable admitting it. We measure ourselves against other men in ways we probably don't even recognize. Who's more successful? Who's better looking? Who has the better relationship, the more interesting life, the bigger house, or the confidence we wish we had?
What's interesting to me is that jealousy isn't always about wanting to take something away from someone else. Sometimes it's simply recognizing something we wish were different about our own lives.
And sometimes, I suspect, we're not even jealous of what the other man actually has. We're jealous of what we imagine having it would feel like.
I've also noticed that the things I envy have changed over the years. Some things that would have impressed me enormously when I was younger don't mean nearly as much now. Other things, particularly freedom, peace of mind, and being comfortable with who you are, have become much more attractive.
Maybe that's part of getting older. Or maybe we're just getting a little better at recognizing what actually matters to us.
I'm curious whether other men experience this, too, and whether we're willing to admit it.
Have you ever been jealous of another man's life?
Jealous of another man’s life? No.
Life has dealt me a good hand of cards. I’m happy with that.
Jealous of another man’s hairline? Well, that’s another matter …
😂 Well, you've certainly got me on the hairline!
I've been bald since high school, so I never got to enjoy a full head of hair long enough to appreciate what I was losing. Some guys have a midlife crisis. Apparently, I decided to get mine out of the way before graduation!
But seriously, I like your answer. There's something to be said for reaching a point in life where you can look at the hand you've been dealt and feel genuinely satisfied with it.
And maybe that's the distinction. We can be perfectly happy with our lives and still look at another guy and think, "Wouldn't mind having a little of that!"
In my case, though, I'd settle for enough hair to justify buying a comb. 😂
In my 20s-30s very much so, and the chronic pain only underscored my sense of inferiority in romance and career, the two stones that ground away at me continually. Around 40 I had to let go and forget about it. However, I knew I had quite a "consolation prize" in my pants, and it kept me occupied. When I discovered in 2010 that my computer had a webcam, I rapidly got addicted to webcamming and freaked out at how I could one-on-one 'bate with a dude in Australia, make him cum; then another guy in Europe and make him cum, and then a guy from the Bronx who didn't turn me on at first, but when he got turned on by seeing me, then he turned me on, but he came first...all within half an hour, I had cum with men all over the globe. It got so bad that it was messing up my sleep, my eating, and starting to affect my work at home. So I quit BW and everything.
Still, when guys saw me online and I shared that I was a virgin, they couldn't believe it. So I tried to morph the pain of not having gotten any into a rare webcam sensation. Likewise, when I had occasion to be naked with other men in person at an organizational event at a camp, or at the local JO group, I relished the opportunity, and was automatically deemed an alpha male, regardless how quiet I was.
@fifthlimbtim I chuckled at the image of you discovering your webcam and suddenly connecting with men on three continents in half an hour. You certainly weren't easing yourself into the technology! LOL.
But your comment about finally letting go of those feelings of inferiority around forty caught my eye. I wonder how much of that came from getting older and how much came from discovering that you had something other men actually admired, even envied.
I've spent much of my life being the quiet, observant guy, and I've certainly looked at other men and wished I had some of their confidence, their social ease, or their willingness to throw caution to the wind. I've sometimes wondered whether I missed out on experiences simply because I was too busy thinking about them instead of having them. And, knowing myself, I could probably spend another twenty years analyzing that question! 🙂
What's funny is that the older I get, the less interested I am in having someone else's life. I can still admire what another man has, or even feel a little envy now and then, without necessarily wanting to trade places with him. Perhaps I've finally realized that I'd also inherit all the complications that come with being him!
Your story makes me wonder about something, Tim. When you say you finally let go of those feelings around forty, was there a particular moment when things changed for you? Or did you gradually find yourself caring less about how your life compared with other men's?
I ask because I'm not entirely sure when that shift began happening for me, either.
It was a gradual shift. I dated a handful of women, the last around 2000. I was taken aback when she said I looked like Brad Pitt, until she explained that it was the dimple in my chin.
Totally unrelated to that, 2000 was also the year I had my last wet dream: Me on my back and a woman riding me, her boobs swinging at my face.
@fifthlimbtim Well, even if it was just the chin, being compared to Brad Pitt isn't a bad thing! 😂
But I keep coming back to what you said about the change being gradual. I think that's been true for me, too. There are things I would have given anything for when I was younger that barely matter to me now. Of course, I still catch myself looking at another guy and thinking, "Damn, wouldn't mind having some of that!"
I do wonder, though, whether we actually become happier with what we have as we get older, or whether we simply get better at making peace with what we don't. Maybe a little of both. 🙂
Another attitude that gradually developed in me, not sure if it was related to the timing of my involvement in men's groups (MKP and others), is the notion that we are all on the same Male Team, and so seeing another man's enviable attribute is actually "scoring points" for our team. Part of my camming is that I feel I owe it to my fellow men to show them what I have. Idealism fuels it all. I "get off" on seeing my brothers embody masculinity. The saying that "iron sharpens iron" motivates me to hijack the competitive spirit for mutual enjoyment. I have reached my maximum weight and I am mad about it. My ideal demands that I take action to change toward my ideal. When I video chat on BW, I close the cams of the guys who don't care how fat they get. I think I privately coined the term sexercise long before any commercial enterprise. I do accept what I have to, but keep aiming for better, for me it's the masculine way! Perhaps my Dad's body attitude made me this way.