A place for candid conversation about masculinity, intimacy, identity, desire, and the things we rarely say out loud.
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Meeting people is one thing. Building the kind of friendship where you can actually talk, trust each other, and be yourself is another. How easy has that been for you as an adult?
It's become much easier than in my teens and early 20s. Back then, I was still confused about my own sexual orientation, and I felt estranged. I wasn't on the same wavelength as the other guys in my classroom (or anywhere else). Once I accepted myself as gay, I also began meeting gay guys who became friends. As an adult, I have way more friends than when I was younger. Basically, there was the "young me" who was rather alone and unhappy, and there's now the "new me" (30 and older, now 55), with friends.
(Of note: I have not had sex with 95% of my friends, so they are truly friends, not FWB or exes.)
I can relate to the idea that making friends can actually get easier as we get older. I think knowing yourself better probably has a lot to do with that. There’s less trying to figure out where you fit and, hopefully, a little more comfort just being who you are.
And the 95% clarification made me laugh. 🙂 But I get why you added it!
I like the idea of the “young me” and the “new me.” Sounds like the new you has found something the younger you was probably looking for all along.
I’m having a hard time making close friends at this transitionary stage of my life. I have a number of friends, some for decades, but no one outside of my spouse whom I can really count on for emotional support.
Being in a transitionary phase compounds the problem. How much effort will you make to foster a close friendship when you don’t know what the next phase will bring or where the next phase will take you?
I can definitely relate to the transitional stage part. I think that makes it harder because friendships that once happened almost automatically now require some actual intention, and that can feel strangely unnatural at first. I also think you’ve put your finger on something with the effort question. How much do you pursue a friendship without feeling like you’re trying too hard? At this point in life, I’m less interested in having a large circle than I am in finding a few people where the effort feels mutual. Maybe that’s part of why making close friends gets harder. We become a little more selective about what “close” actually means.